i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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