you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
