I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
