my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
