im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
