it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
