My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
