Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
