Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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