Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
