You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize