Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
