So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
