I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
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