we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
