My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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