On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
