Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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