4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
