Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
