i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
