i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
