where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
