So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
