I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
