I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
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my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
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