and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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