I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
