The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
