This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
