she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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