i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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