she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
