how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Is it because I queefed?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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