new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
