I will die if light touches me.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Acid is not a monday night drug
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
There's even glitter on my cock...
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