Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
