didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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