I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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