He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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