the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues