So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic