tell your sister to shave her snatch
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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