If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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