Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
