I accidentally had phone sex last night
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
