I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
then he tried to convert me to islam
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
