Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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