you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
