My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
