i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.