he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
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The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.