Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
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She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
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I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?