DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit