i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.