Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story