yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
