We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Found the puke drawer
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
