suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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