I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm always down for nudity.
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