the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
