i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
