I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
