i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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