If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
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