it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
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