Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
