Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
