So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
