i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
