I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
