The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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