Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
