Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
