please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
