omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
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a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
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Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
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