i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
