her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
