GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
