Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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