So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
you're hired as official boob wrangler
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
