Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
