tell your sister to shave her snatch
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
