I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
