I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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