I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
