Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
They have beer where we have blood.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
