I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
