Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
