He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
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While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
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Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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