the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
me + whiskey = a bad person
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
