In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize