i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
