It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
